200+ Funny captions | Hilarious funny captions & quotes for your post

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Funny Captions & Quotes 

  • I am not lazy, I am in energyb saving mode.
  • After Tuesday, even the calendar goes W T F.
  • True friends greet each other with an insult.
  • We are not old, we are recycled teenagers.
  • You can’t do epic shit with common people.
  • I got back with my Ex….Xbox360.
  • Its not the dress that makes you look fat, ITS THE FAT.
  • Fall in love?? Bitch i can’t even fall asleep.
  • Ever since my all studies went online ,I went offline.
  • Listen to your best friends.Sometimes they know you more than yourself.
  • Can i borrow you a kiss,I promise i’ll give it back.
  • Aside being sexy,what do you do for living?
  • Be happy,it drives people crazy.
  • There might be no excuses for laziness,but i’m still looking.
  • Life is short- Text me ASAP.
  • Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.
  • Call me ice, because i melt down really easily.
  • Please use this brain, my friend.
  • I speak two languages – Body and English.
  • At night, I can’t sleep.In morning I can’t wake up.
  • Trust issues so bad I don’t trust the mute and camera button on zoom.
  • If 2020 was a person, it would be my X.
  • God knew i would be too powerful if i could do math.
  • Remember the ex you wanted to marry?
  • Life is like a Helicopter. I don’t know how to operate helicopter.
  • I often look at my children and can’t see me in them. Then they open their mouth and say something sarcastic and I’m like, THERE I AM.
  • A happy day to all Fathers.The real Mother-Fuckers.
  • I don’t always have time to call people back,but when i do, I don’t.
  • I’m not lazy,I’m on energy saving mode.
  • I pretend to work,they pretend to pay me.
  • Behind every successful man is a woman rolling her eyes.
  • I didn’t abandon my cart,I set it free.
  • The biggest lie I tell myself is “i don’t need to write that down,i’ll remember it”.
  • Don’t ever get sad over someone who will most likely give you ugly children.
  • If life gives you lemon,just add vodka.
  • I don’t know whose auntie needs to hear this,but focus on your child.
  • Failure is not your option.It’s your destiny.
  • Next time a man does you wrong,tell everybody he left you for another man.
  • You don’t have to prove yourself to others,You are a human not any theorem.
  • Are you GOOGLE, because you are all i’m searching for.
  • Laundry today or naked tomorrow.
  • OMG I hate when kids scream in public. You have no real problems,it should be screaming…ME
  • Don’t trust anyone who takes over 3 hours to reply.
  • Marry a guy with asthma and steal his inhaler when he acts up. You’ll be stealing his breath away.
  • I’m giving free bad advice today! Ask me anything.
  • If you don’t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
  • Not sure why someone is crying ?
  • If you are ever hot in an airplane, just open the emergency exit.
  • Can we install 2020 and install it again? This version has a virus.
  • If anyone is buying me a present, I’m a size window in plane tickets.
  • Hate when i go into the kitchen for food and all I find is ingredients.
  • My goal this weekend is to move just enough so no one thinks i’m dead!.
  • Just clean your room! I had a C-section for you.
  • I am on a Seafood diet.I see food and I eat it.
  • An apple a day, keeps everyone away IF you throw it hard enough.
  • Silence is golden, unless you have kids. 
  • Life is short, Eat dessert first.
  • Dear 2020, i’d like a refund.
  • When you call her bro.
  • May god ignore you same how you ignored my messages.
  • Are you smart or do you think you are smart,there’s a difference. 

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